Thursday, May 9, 2013

Baby Ford.

We saw our little one yesterday.  Coolest thing in the WORLD.  I didn't think I could ever love anything so much until I saw the little bean.  Holy toledo, baby's grown so much in just a couple weeks!  Steve and I saw baby for the first time when I was only 6 weeks.  Steve even heard the heartbeat!  SOOO awesome.  Baby was sooo small, and I could see the little flicker on the screen.  I swear my heart skipped a beat just looking at it.  It's our miracle baby.  Still brings tears to my eyes EVERYTIME I think of him/her.  Steve is just as excited! He's so cute.  Once we saw the baby on the screen and the heart flicker, the doctor told us he could hear the heartbeat but it was very faint.  So,  Steve put his ear right up to the machine until he could hear it.  The doctor kindly asked Steve to move, so he could see baby.  

We then saw baby at 8 weeks and it grew a ton more in just two weeks.  This time, I heard baby's heart beat. I loved it.  Hearing the heartbeat was like music to my ear. Just knowing that there really is something growing inside of me.  It's a crazy thought and yet so amazing.  Doctor said baby is growing at the right rate and the heartbeat sounds very strong!-166 beats per minute.

I'm now at 10 weeks!! Time is going fast, but yet so slow..if that makes sense?  We met with our doctor, and we got to see baby again.  This visit was sooo awesome! Baby is actually looking more like a baby. Not a little bean.  He/she was really moving and kicking, I asked the Dr. if we could get a video of it.  (I wish I would of done that on the other 2 ultrasounds) Our doctor is awesome. He says "Hey look baby is waving to mom and dad".  HOLY CRAP!! We are going to be a mom dad.  I then ask if it's waving with his hand, and the dr. tells me it's waving with it's limbs.  No hands yet.  I had no idea!
We've probably watched the video at least 20 times.  Steve and I have both been  showing the video to people and love saying that it's waving to us.

First trimester: (So Far)

-I've felt nauseous, almost every day.  It's always in the morning, and then will hit me again either in the afternoon or in the evening.  
-My sense of smell has heightened. Things can REALLY stink. Unfortunately, I'm smelling more worse things than good. And than it makes me sick.  When when something smells good, it REALLY smells good.
-I absolutely hate anything with lots of flavor. (which is so not me) If there is onions or peppers, I need to be in another room.
-I LOVE tater tots.  They are sooo good. I could eat these every day! Oh, and fruit smoothies. 

The Hope of God's Light.

Steve and I have moved into an amazing ward. We seriously love it. We were asked by the bishop a couple weeks ago to choose a topic during general conference that touched us. I read through so many different topics, and I found one by Elder Uchtdorf. I instantly got the impression I needed to tell our infertility story.. I kept going back and forth on whether or not I should share it. It is so very personal, but I'm so happy that I did. I wanted to post this talk on my blog, because our infertility trial has been a HUGE part of our life.

The Hope of God's Light

Bishop Jenson asked me to choose a topic that really touched me during General Conference. There were so many to choose from, but this one really had a strong impression on me.

The talk I chose to discuss today is by President Uchtdorf –The Hope of God’s Light.

Elder Uchtdorf started off his talk by talking about a  portrait in his office. He says..

“I have a cherished painting in my office that is titled Entrance to Enlightenment. It was created by a friend of mine, the Danish artist Johan Benthin, who was the first stake president in Copenhagen, Denmark.
The painting shows a dark room with an open door from which light is shining. It is interesting to me that the light coming through the door does not illuminate the entire room—only the space immediately in front of the door.
To me, the darkness and light in this painting are a metaphor for life. It is part of our condition as mortal beings to sometimes feel as though we are surrounded by darkness. We might have lost a loved one; a child might have strayed; we might have received a troubling medical diagnosis; we might have employment challenges and be burdened by doubts or fears; or we might feel alone or unloved.
But even though we may feel lost in the midst of our current circumstances, God promises the hope of His light—He promises to illuminate the way before us and show us the way out of darkness. “

End of Quote.

We all go through hard times, burdens and trials in our life. I’m going to share with you a personal trial that my husband and I have gone through.

When Steve and I were first married we had a lot of plans. We planned that we would get Steve through school, I would work full time, we would enjoy getting to know one another before we started our family. We decided that we wouldn’t start extending our family until we were married for 3 or so years.

Everyone get’s to plan out life exactly, right? Everything would be perfect.

Three years pass, and we decided it was time to start our family. A year later still no baby….

After five years of marriage, still no baby. We started to become discouraged. I remember feeling in complete despair. I felt that darkness that Elder Uchdtorf talked about. I felt as if God had forgot Steve and I and that we must have done something wrong. We wanted to be parents so badly, and it was a righteous desire but we weren’t blessed with a child.

Around our 6 year anniversary we are now approved to adopt. We anxiously wait and we were chosen to get a baby in December. It ends up not happening.

We felt forgotten. Darkness felt more prevalent than light.

How grateful I am for my sweet husband, who was in this same trial with me. I felt as if Steve was the only one who understood my pain.

I remember driving to work, and I had a strong impression I needed to distinctly pray for help. I always prayed that we could have a child, or to please let the trial be over. Never did I pray for help to have strength to help me get through this trial. I instantly felt our Savior’s love and embrace. I knew that the trial wasn’t over, but I knew that I could do anything with HIS help. We needed to rely on him.

Elder Uchtdorf said “To you and to all of us, I repeat a wonderful and certain truth: God’s light is real. It is available to all! It gives life to all things.1 It has the power to soften the sting of the deepest wound. It can be a healing balm for the loneliness and sickness of our souls. In the furrows of despair, it can plant the seeds of a brighter hope. It can enlighten the deepest valleys of sorrow. It can illuminate the path before us and lead us through the darkest night into the promise of a new dawn. This is “the Spirit of Jesus Christ,” which gives “light to every man that cometh into the world.”2

Nevertheless, spiritual light rarely comes to those who merely sit in darkness waiting for someone to flip a switch. It takes an act of faith to open our eyes to the Light of Christ.”

So how do we open our eyes to the hope of God’s light?

First, start where you are.

The perfect place to begin is exactly where you are right now. It doesn’t matter how unqualified you may think you are or how far behind others you may feel. The very moment you begin to seek your Heavenly Father, in that moment, the hope of His light will begin to awaken, enliven, and ennoble your soul.5 The darkness may not dissipate all at once, but as surely as night always gives way to dawn, the light will come.

Second, turn your heart toward the Lord.

Lift up your soul in prayer and explain to your Heavenly Father what you are feeling. Acknowledge your shortcomings. Pour out your heart and express your gratitude. Let Him know of the trials you are facing. Plead with Him in Christ’s name for strength and support. Ask that your ears may be opened, that you may hear His voice. Ask that your eyes may be opened, that you may see His light.

Third, walk in the light.

Your Heavenly Father knows that you will make mistakes. He knows that you will stumble—perhaps many times. This saddens Him, but He loves you. He does not wish to break your spirit. On the contrary, He desires that you rise up and become the person you were designed to be.

To that end, He sent His Son to this earth to illuminate the way and show us how to safely cross the stumbling blocks placed in our path. He has given us the gospel, which teaches the way of the disciple. It teaches us the things we must know, do, and be to walk in His light, following in the footsteps of His Beloved Son, our Savior.

End of quote.

I still had times where that darkness would try to overcome me, and I would slowly start feeling despair. As soon as turned to my Father in Heaven for his help, I felt that love again.

Steve and I found out we will be expecting our first baby in December. It’s our miracle baby. Our hearts are full with so much gratitude and love for our Father in Heaven.

Trials are never easy. I know that God gives us trials to help mold us and help us to become stronger and to rely on him more.

I have gained such a strong testimony of my savior and for the atonement. What an amazing gift that we have to use this power. I have felt his love and I know that he has felt exactly what I have felt. He loves all of us and wants us to turn to his light.

I bare testimony of this, in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

My heart is so full. EVERY DAY I can't help but feel gratitude to my Father in Heaven for blessing Steve and I with our little one.  I am so forever grateful.