Bex is 3 months!

So it's really hard for me to update my blog! When I do have a minute I'm trying to get the house chores done or figuring out dinner. I have soo much to say and write about our miracle babe. 

Here's a little update on our sweet heart. Bex will be 4 months old the end of this month! (3 months gest) I can't believe how quickly time is going and how big he's getting. I swear he changes weekly!

3 weeks ago our bubba weighed 12lbs. 1 oz. I know he's gained more since then. He looooves eating and I'm so grateful that he does. 

His neck is getting stronger, his head not nearly as floppy. He hates tummy time with a passion but loves to have me hold him so he can look around over my shoulder (his neck gets stronger by doing this).

He loves music! We listen to the Disney channel on Pandora daily and he coos and smiles to the music. I'm so happy he loves music like me:)

Whenever he wakes up and sees Steve or I he will smile at us. Sweetest thing ever!

He's trying to do a laugh. It sounds kind of like a courtesy laugh. It's super cute!

I love being this boy's mom. My heart is so full of gratitude to my Father in Heaven for blessing me so much. He's perfect!!! Motherhood is definitely exhausting but it's the best calling in the whole world.

I did a little vday photo shoot yesterday. I love his smile!:)

Feeling closer to heaven.

I have so much to update about our sweet lil Beckham. I wanted to write this down though so I don't ever forget it.

Today I started the Book of Mormon challenge on insta to read the bom in 365 days. It's 6am and I just got done feeding and changing Bex. We sit in his rocking chair and I ask him if he wants to read the bom with mom. He gives me the biggest gummy smile. As I read it he continues to give me big smiles. 

Also, during bedtime I sing to him primary songs. His favorite is I am a child of God. Anytime I sing it to him he will smile so big when I sing Beckham is a child of God.

I love how close he is to heaven still. He brings such an amazing spirit in the home. I'm so lucky to have this sweetheart forever.

Here's a recent pic of our lil guy:)

34 Week Surprise.

On Tuesday, it was another day on bed rest.  I was officially at 34 weeks and feeling stoked that lil' man was still cookin'.
Steve went into work and it seemed like another normal day.  Around 12:30 I started to feel a little bit  of cramps in my back.  It quickly turned into a lot of cramps and I could tell it wasn't just a back ache, it was turning into contractions.  I called my dad and asked him to get me my medication that stops contractions.  Ellen knocked on the door after I got off the phone with my dad and she got me my medication.  Generally the medication works pretty quickly, but this time it was different.  I called Steve to tell him what was going on and that it would be a good idea if he could take me to the hospital. My dad came and since the contractions weren't slowing down we told Steve to meet me at the hospital and my dad would take me to the hospital.

I had a lot of things going on in my mind.  Mainly fear.  I wish that wasn't the case but it's true.  I was super nervous and worried that something could go wrong since I still had my stitch!  It's a good thing my dad was with me.  He knows how to be calm and knows how to say the right things.
The contractions kept coming and they were definitely not going away.
Steve was waiting outside the hospital with a wheelchair, it made me happy to see him.  Steve wheeled me into labor and delivery and the contractions kept coming.  As we waited for the admit desk, a very cheerful medical student came up to us wanting to chit-chat.  Um..no thank you.  I know he meant well, but I really was in no mood to be cheerful and my back was really starting to hurt!! I feel a little bad now, I think I might have scowled at him.

When we got to the room, everything seemed to be moving very quickly. The nurse hooked me up to a monitor to watch Bex heart rate and my contractions.  Bex heart beat was perfect, and my contractions kept coming.  We made sure the nurse was aware that I had a cerclage and that we didn't want my cervix tearing. The nurse checked my cervix and she said that I was dilating, so she said we would most likely have to remove it. After she checked my cervix I felt really nauseous and puked.

Steve is wonderful, he would rub my back and ask if I needed anything. So glad he was by my side.
My doctor happened to be gone and so another doctor from the same practice was going to remove the stitch.  This doctor is also a really good doctor, but I have so much confidence in my doctor.  I think I would have felt more at ease if he was there.  The doctor told Steve and I the stitch has done it's job and has gone as far as we could leave it in without it doing damage.  So, we told him we would be fine with him removing the stitch.  Before the procedure, Steve was able to give me a blessing and I'm so grateful that he did.  I felt at peace and knew that everything would be okay.

The procedure went well, it was painful but only lasted 15-20 min.  It really wasn't as bad as what I had imagined it to be.  Beckham's heart rate jumped to 200bpm and he was going crazy in my stomach!  The nurse and doctor said that he was fine, he was just being very active.  He was probably thrilled to not be so confined with that stitch at his head 24/7.  The doctor said that my cervix was 90% effaced and between 1-2 dilated.  No one knew if I was going to have Beckham or how quickly things would progress, so we camped out at the hospital for a few hours.
My doctor was contacted and he advised that I get a shot to slow contractions down to see if that would work.  Well, the medication worked and all contractions stopped.  Beckham calmed down, and we sat in the hospital bed waiting.  After a few hours we got the okay to go home.  I was relieved.  Steve, was a little disappointed.  On the ride home the contractions started up again, but once I laid on the couch they would go away.

It's now Thursday night and still no baby!  I'm very happy!!!! I'm that much closer to 35 weeks.  Every day counts.  I feel he's coming soon though, and my body is prepping for him.  Anytime I get up for the bathroom now I get a ton of pressure and Beckham is slowly getting lower.  I can feel it.  Beckham has been more active and last night he wouldn't stop moving around.  I think he's getting anxious to make his appearance.  I go in for a check up tomorrow and we will see what happens.  I'm nervous, but very excited.  I can't wait to see what our little boy looks like.

33 Weeks!

Another week almost down! I'm now at 33 weeks.  We went to the doctors on Tuesday, and I was super nervous the night before. I was worried that it could have been the day.  I'm not ready for little man to make his appearance, but I know it will happen when it's supposed to.  Steve cleaned all weekend and even picked up the car seat-just in case.

The doctor appointment went amazing!  I had an ultrasound and we saw our little guy and he is sure getting squished in there! It amazes me EVERY time I see him.  What a miracle to see this little being growing inside me.  Moving and kicking.  We were pleasantly surprised to see him practice sucking in the womb-this was so amazing!! He was practicing  sucking with his mouth and then we also saw his lungs working!!!! Oh my goodness, I've never been so happy.  I felt this huge amount of relief knowing that he's doing so well.  Steve and I couldn't stop smiling.  Connie, the ultrasound tech told us that both are great signs of how healthy he is.  He's also estimated weighing 5 lbs. 3 oz.  Feeling so blessed.  We saw the dr. and he said he is happy with how well Bex is doing every week. Also that we've made it yet another week.  He said to plan on getting the stitch removed next Friday (Ill be 34 1/2  weeks by then).  If he feels confident enough that I could go even another week, then we will try that. For now, next Friday it is! It seems so crazy to me that we could be holding our little guy next weekend! I feel more at peace now, and I'm excited.  I don't feel as unprepared and not ready. Who knows, maybe next week I'll feel a little nervous! ha.

It's now Monday, and I'm getting even more excited. Steve installed the carseat in the car, my hospital bag is almost packed and we are ready as we can be.  :)

Here's his lil' outfit that we are bringing him home in. I love the elephant on it!

This is me today (Ill be 34 weeks tomorrow!!) I'm going to miss my prego belly!

"Please doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith."

This week marks 32.  32 weeks!!!! Every single day is a huge victory.

This week has been very hard for me. I have felt discouraged and unprepared. I could be having our little guy in just 2 weeks and I don't feel ready.  I've been waiting so many years for this little guy to come into our life, and the time is coming so quickly now.  I don't know what it is lately and why I've been feeling the way that I have been. Maybe all first time mom's feel this way?  It has been hard since I can't physically prepare for his arrival.  I also have been feeling discouraged that I have no control over the fact that my body can't physically keep in full term.  I want him to have the best chance at life, and I want him to be healthy.

This morning I was able to go to the doctors, and I now go every single week.  They check on my stitch to make sure it's not tearing or thinning.  Dr. told Steve and I that if it is tearing even just a little bit he has to remove it.  He told us that today could be the day.  Was I nervous? YES. I felt my heart sink when he said those words.  Did I pray my heart out that today wasn't the day? YES. Of course I did. And by God's grace, today wasn't the day. Our doctor then said that he is planning on removing the stitch the week of the 21st-of this month. I'll be 34 weeks.  Our doctor is amazing, and he could sense I was getting worried.  He told me everything is going to be fine and that we are so lucky that we've made it this far!  He said Beckham is healthy and with the steroid shots it really should help his lungs.  To be on the safe side, he said that I would get another steroid shot.. SO I got another one of those lovely's today. It hurt BUT if it helps Bex lungs, it's all worth it.  Dr said that would be the end of the steroid shots! :)  Steve, on the ride home kept telling me how excited he is to see Beckham in just 2 weeks.  He's such a good hubby and I know he's going to make such an amazing father.  Steve seems to have no worries of bex coming early. I asked him why he wasn't worried, and he said that everything  will work out, and that God is in charge.  I know this!! My heavens, I don't know why I have so much fear lately.

One of my dear friends texted this to me today. Perfect timing.  I know without a doubt she was inspired to tell me this.  She said I loved this quote from Pres. Uchtdorf last week during conference- "Please doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith."  Short, direct, simple and profound.
Then it hit me.  I know I can't physically prepare for our little guy but I can spiritually prepare for him.  I need to be relying more on my Father in Heaven and having faith that it will all work out.  The way he intended.  Because of him I've made it to 32 weeks! Because of him I've witnessed miracle after miracle during this pregnancy.  It will all work out. I shouldn't have anything to fear because God is in charge.

Have you ever watched a mormon message?  I love. those.  I would go to those often when I was planning a lesson or Steve and I would watch them during an FHE lesson.  I came across this as well today, and I loved the comfort it has brought me.  It was a video made from the talk by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland.  Motherhood: An Eternal Partnership with God.

I love these parts of it:  “Through the thick and the thin of this, and through the occasional tears of it all, I know deep down inside I am doing God’s work. I know that my motherhood is an eternal partnership with Him.”

Mothers, cherish that role that is so uniquely yours and for which heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones. Yours is the work of salvation, and therefore you will be magnified, compensated, made more than you are, better than you are, and better than you have ever been.

May I say to mothers collectively, in the name of the Lord, you are magnificent. You are doing terrifically well. The very fact that you have been given such a responsibility is everlasting evidence of the trust your Father in Heaven has in you. He is blessing you and He will bless you, even—no, especially—when your days and your nights may be the most challenging. Rely on Him. Rely on Him heavily. Rely on Him forever. And “press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope.”

I'm excited for this new journey in mine and Steve's life. I know it's not going to be easy, and maybe all this fear that I've felt is taking on this huge new role of raising a little one.  This is new to me, it's new to Steve.  But how grateful I am to know that it's not just Steve and I who are going to be raising him alone, we have our Father in Heaven to help us.  After all, motherhood is an eternal partnership in doing God's work.

30 Weeks.

My doctor gave me the okay to go to my aunt's surprise birthday party since I would be 30 weeks that following Tuesday. ( Party was on Sunday) Dr. felt that it should be fine, since it was at my mom's (which is only 5 min from my house) and once I arrived at her house I would need to lay on the couch.  I was thrilled.  I could have a little bit of freedom, even if it was just for a couple of hours.
My sister knew how I wanted to get maternity pictures before our little guy got here, so we had a brilliant idea.  She would come over and do my hair while I lay on the couch and as Steve and I got out of the car she would snap some quick pictures.  So, that's what we did.

The party turned out nice, I was able to visit with family members that I hadn't seen for a long time and it was great getting out of the house.  By the end of the night, I could tell I had over done it.  I started getting a little crampy in my lower back.  Monday I was extra cautious and made sure I was down the whole day. My dr told me I can also recline in our chair, but sometimes that's too much so I made sure I was down all day on the couch on Monday.

Tuesday morning I woke up around 4:30 and started getting crampy in my lower back and then I was getting pressure.   I started to think my body was starting labor..it seemed similar to how I felt when I started pre term labor back in June.  I woke up Steve and told him.  I could tell he was a little frantic, I took my medication (it helps stop contractions) and Steve cut me up an apple.  It started to go away, so we both went back to sleep.  I woke up around 8:30 and Steve had already gone to work.  I still had that feeling in my back so I called my doctor's office.  Cindy advised that I take another pill to see if  that helps stop the cramps.  She then told me to come into the office and do a urinalysis and dr would check and make sure my cervix wasn't thinning.

Kj was leaving for the doctor for her annual appointment and told me she and my mom would just pick me up and take me there.  I let Steve know what was going on, and if I needed him I would let him know to come and meet me at the hospital.
We made it to the hospital and I was able to do a urinalysis.  Well the good news-my cervix was the same and the bad news-I had another UTI.  Which can cause pre-term labor.  My doctor was worried that I could be a little dehydrated so he had me get hooked up to IV's and he wanted to monitor my contractions and Bex's heart rate. The medication that helps stop contractions makes mine and his heart rate go really fast. I HATE the medication more than anything, but if it helps keep him in, it's worth it.

Steve ended up meeting me up at the hospital and we were there for a few hours.  The nurse said that my contractions weren't consistent enough for anyone to need to worry. She said that it had to be from my uti.  What a relief.  We are anxious to meet our little guy, but it's way to early for him to come!  My doctor sent me home and told me I need to be extra careful. So no more outings unless it's to the doctors.  I now see him every week so he can check my cervix.  Praying we can keep our little guy cookin' at least until the end of this month-if not longer!!

**Pregnancy Update**

-After a week of the steroid shots, bex has had hiccups multiple times a day.  Hiccups are a great sign that his lungs are developing

-At 29 weeks they estimated his weight to be 3 lbs. 2oz. (I'm now 31 weeks today, so hoping he's 4 lbs.)

-He's still a night owl. Loves to be most active around midnight

-Bex nursery is completed

-I swear I have an appetite of a teenage boy

7 year Anniversary!!

Steve and I celebrated our 7 year anniversary! 7 years?!! I can't believe that it's already been that long. In a good way of course.  It's gone by so fast.

How extremely grateful I am for Steve.  He's my best friend and forever companion.  We've had an amazing journey so far together, and I'm glad that he's by my side in everything.

This anniversary seemed extra special this year.  I think because that this year our prayers were answered and we are blessed to be having our little Beckham.  Every year prior, we would always talk about and  wonder what year our family was going to grow. During our dinner we talked about how we are going to be parents.  How this year would be our last official anniversary just the two of us.  It made me a little emotional.  Our chapter in life of just the two of us is ending and a new one is opening-parenting and raising a little one!! It still feels like a dream.

Steve and I celebrated at home, he woke me up with the cutest hand made card.  The words that he wrote were beautiful. Still makes me tear up just thinking about it.

 I surprised Steve with a Batman date night (with the help of my sister, coming and hanging the bats for me.) We had candle light dinner with pizza and bread sticks and than had a Batman movie marathon! Steve was in heaven.  He LOVES Batman movies.

Happy Anniversary babe!! Can't wait for what else life brings!